Playdates - It Is OK to Say "No"

The other day I was talking with some friends about how the May kidnapping events in Cleveland had made me even more attentive (and stressed out) when it comes to supervising my kids in public areas like parks.

I am becoming more and more protective of my girls every time I read new details about the horrific events that happened in Cleveland.
The discussion quickly turned to knowing who your child is friends with and ultimately to playdates.
Some kids like them, some kids do not. Some parents like them, some parents do not.
I have always been a parent who likes playdates because when they were younger, it encouraged my children to share their toys when they were home and practice being away from home when they were weren't. Looking back, I was not very picky on where my kids went to playdates or birthday parties because if they wanted to go, I usually let them.
Sometimes I knew the parents well but other times, we had just met in passing while dropping the kids off at daycare.
I didn't think about this too much until recently.
One of my friends, let's call her Greta, hates playdates. Yes, we teach our children not to say "hate" but in this case, this word is accurate.
Greta's initial reaction is to distrust everyone and you need to earn her trust when it comes to her children. If you are not one of the few families that Greta trusts completely, her knee jerk reaction is to say no.
After thinking about her child's safety, Greta's thoughts turn to "If Billy goes to Peter's house, I am then going to have to have Peter over." Greta does not want to feel as though she is in debt to a family for a playdate! This gets difficult for working parents whose weekends are reserved for family time (when not at one of many sporting events). After talking to Greta and one of our other friends, questions swirled around my head.

Should you feel obligated to reciprocate a playdate? Should I let my daughter go to someone's house if only the dad is home? When do I ask if the family has guns in the house? What about older brothers? Do my set of rules change for sleepovers? Would I feel differently if I had boys? The questions kept coming! On the topic of guns, I am struggling for a way to make it seem like a natural thing to ask someone. "Can Billy come for a play?" "Yes, assuming you don't have guns in the house!?!?" That conversation just doesn't flow. If I don't know the family, I am beginning to wonder if I should just use Greta's standard line, "we don't really do playdates.

" Is it worth all the worrying for your child to go to a playdate? If your child is insisting on having a playdate with a new friend, have it at your house or agree to meet at a park where you can chat with the parents more.
Remember that if YOU feel uncomfortable, it is fine to say no. Your child will survive and they will see their friend at recess and lunchtime. One day, they will even forgive you.
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What do you think about playdates - good or bad?